"He is My Identity"

Carmen is a 26-year old German girl from the Black Forest area of Germany. Here at Hurlach she served as Synergy director (house administration) as well as wearing other hats. She directs us every day on what jobs we do at the castle. She's at our meeting to tell how she came to faith.

"I grew up in a Christian family. I knew since I was a little kid that God loved me but I didn't understand he wanted a personal relationship with me. God was somewhere out there but I didn't care. I started to drink. It isn't a problem in Germany to get alcohol so my friends and I would go to parties and just have fun.

When I was 16, one of my friends committed suicide. That really made me think about what happens after we die. What is the reason for me to be on this earth? It was a hard time because I lost my friend and also because I was partly blaming myself for her death. Why didn't I do something about keeping her from committing suicide? I started to realize that God did care about me and had answers for my questions.It was then I realized He is still there for me. I started to speak with him and go to church. I also got to go on a mission to South America and figured out God really wanted to use me. I did my discipleship training here at Hurlach.

In the past I already felt I was not good enough and I had to be better than other people to be noticed or seen. It was kind of my identity. During my training we had a speaker come and he didn't know any of us. He came right up to me and stood in front of me. He told me stop working so hard and start just being with God. I was surprised - like, who is this guy? But it hit me like if I don't work, who am I? It was the beginning of realizing He is my identity. It is in His presence I am fulfilled.

I got a picture in my mind which is how God was speaking to me. He went with me into a cellar and there was a lot of treasures. He tolds me that this treasure is not the real treasure. I wondered what does this mean. He took me by the hands and led me up into a garden. There was a swing. We were playing. It was quiet and it was just Jesus and me. He spoke to me: this is the real treasure, to be with me. I think it is this way for everyone. He has also a plan for you. Two years ago I couldn't imagine how God would be using me. Oftrn we think we don't have anything to give but God has so much more."